This one is specially for Elder Daughter. She always enjoys 'blonde' jokes - courtesy of TK, as always.
A Blonde's Year in Review
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.
February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels.....Helloooo!!!.....bottles won't fit in printer !!!
March - Got really excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"
April - Trapped on escalator for hours ..... power went out!!!
May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....wrong instructions....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!
June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.
July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, the otherswimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!
August - Got locked out of my car in rain storm.....car swamped because soft-top was open.
September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???
October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.
November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days ... instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!
December - Couldn't call 911 ..... "duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the stupid phone!!!
Cows???
"The A483 is closed," Keith announced this morning, having just watched the local news on television.
"Oh no! Why?"
(The concern being because it is on my route to work and I am not very familiar with alternative routes. )
"There are some cows on it."
Could only happen in Wales, really, couldn't it?
I went to get my GPS set up.
"Oh no! Why?"
(The concern being because it is on my route to work and I am not very familiar with alternative routes. )
"There are some cows on it."
Could only happen in Wales, really, couldn't it?
I went to get my GPS set up.
It's a man's life
According to TK, this is the best joke of 2007 - or was it 2006? Judge for yourselves:
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the cheque book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
-"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.Please, oh! oh! please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel You have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed home.He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:
"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen."
God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish.
The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids, set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, drove them to school, came home and picked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners and stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, then drove home to put away the groceries, paid the bills and balanced the cheque book.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.Then it was already 1P.M. and he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. He ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework, then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.
At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed.
At 9 P.M. he was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.
The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said:
-"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day.Please, oh! oh! please, let us trade back."
The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: "My son, I feel You have learned your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
Key Stage 1 SATS
In 2004 I was teaching in Year 2 and carried out the last key stage 1 SATS. After that, 6-7 year olds would no longer be subjected to national tests. Teachers would be back in the driving seat and Teacher Assessment would rule again! (Cue wild applause)
Three years later, and I am back with Year 2 again and on a course ...
When the course begins with the information that you have the choice of using the tests and tasks from 2005 or 2007, you do begin to wonder how 'gone' these SATS are!
This evening, someone asked me what course I had been on today.
"Oh it was on the Key Stage 1 SATS, you know, the ones that don't exist any more," I replied.
She smiled.
"Oh yes, I understand, My husband was a head teacher till he retired three years ago. He couldn't wait to leave.
Three years later, and I am back with Year 2 again and on a course ...
When the course begins with the information that you have the choice of using the tests and tasks from 2005 or 2007, you do begin to wonder how 'gone' these SATS are!
This evening, someone asked me what course I had been on today.
"Oh it was on the Key Stage 1 SATS, you know, the ones that don't exist any more," I replied.
She smiled.
"Oh yes, I understand, My husband was a head teacher till he retired three years ago. He couldn't wait to leave.
Traffic management
Should tractors travelling at about 12 mph perhaps NOT be on busy dual carriageways during rush hour times, thus causing all other vehicles to be in the outer lane as they overtake it?
Well it's just a thought...
I rather like Keith's idea. He thinks that there should be a third lane on my route to work, labelled with my name - you know, like that Crunchy Nut ad. I'm happy with that.
Well it's just a thought...
I rather like Keith's idea. He thinks that there should be a third lane on my route to work, labelled with my name - you know, like that Crunchy Nut ad. I'm happy with that.
Back to work
Back to work yesterday, along an almost empty road, no hold ups, no queues of traffic. It was eerie, almost reminiscent of a scene from one of those sci-fi films where aliens have abducted all the humans. Not a child in sight either, which meant, I think, that ours was the only school in the universe mad enough to be back at school so early in the new year and judging by the empty roads, it doesn't seem as if many other people are back at work yet either, at least in this area.
The next person to comment adversely on teachers' supposedly long holidays will get a kick where it hurts!
So there!
The next person to comment adversely on teachers' supposedly long holidays will get a kick where it hurts!
So there!
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