Situation : Mum and Dad had ordered some home delivery items from Argos
Scene : Outside the house with a courier
Me : Thank you....is there another item ?
Courier : No
Me : Well, how many have you given me ?
Courier : 5
Me : Well there should be 6
Courier : But I've given you 5
Me : I know - there should be 6
Courier : So ?
Me : So that means you have an item missing.
Courier : How many ?
Me : There should be 6 and you gave me 5
Courier : Yeah, so how many is missing ?
Me : ........ ONE !
Courier : Well I haven't got it.
Me : Can you check your van ?
Courier : No
Me : Why not ?
Courier : 'Cos it's not there.
Me : How do you know ?
Courier : I don't.
Me : Can I have a look then ?
Courier : No, you're not insured.
Me : So what happens now ?
Courier : How'd you mean ?
Me : How do I get my missing item ?
Courier : Phone Argos I suppose.
Scene : Me phoning Argos
Max : Hello, Max speaking - how may I help ?
Me : Can I give you an order reference ?
Max : Why ?
Me : Because your answerphone message whilst I was on hold for the last 10 minutes told me to have it ready.
Max : Oh. Okay then.
Me : (Gives order ref)
Max : Ah yes - it will be there any time now. Thank you for calling.
Me : No ! Wait ! It has arrived, the driver has just left.
Max : Oh, then that's good.
Me : No, it's not.
Max : Why not ?
Me : Because an item is missing.
Max : Is he still there ? Can you chase him ?
Me : No no, he says that the item wasn't there.
Max : But it must be - my computer says it was.
Me : Well the human says it wasn't.
Max : Did he check the van well ?
Me : No, he said it wasn't there.
Max : Sometimes small boxes can slide under the seat.
Me : I'm sure they can - but that's no good now as he has gone.
Max : So what do we do now ?
Me : Isn't that my question ?
Max : Just a moment - I'll check with my supervisor. (On Hold)
Max : Hello ! Good news ! I have the answer.
Me : Oh..
Max : It wasn't on the van at all.
Me : Oh..
Max : Because it was damaged when it arrived from us.
Me : Oh..
Max : But now we've ran out of them.
Me : Well, what can we do about it ?
Max : I can refund it, you can wait 3 weeks for it to come back in, or you can collect it from your local store.
Me : Does my local store have it in stock then ?
Max : I don't know.
Me : Well, can you check ?
Max : Oh yeah - hang on.
(5 mins later)
Max : Good news ! They have it in stock ! I have reserved it for you and put notes on it so that they know what's happened. Here's the reservation number.
Scene : Me at Argos (totally defeating the point of a £5 delivery fee !)
Nobody at the tills.......
Still nobody at the tills.....
Cashier : (Running) Oh, hello sir - can I help ?
Me : I have been given this reservation number as our home delivery has arrived with an item missing.
Cashier : Right ?
Me : Yes, right.
Cashier : So ?
Me : So you need to give me the missing item.
Cashier : How ?
Me : What do you mean 'how' ?
Cashier : How can I give it you ? I don't know what it is.
Me : Well if you put the reference number in, it will tell you.
Cashier : Oh, yeah. (Types on computer) - found it !
Me : Good
Cashier : That's £59.99 please
Me : No - we've already paid.
Cashier : No you haven't.
Me : It was home delivery.
Cashier : That doesn't mean you've paid.
Me : Of course it does. You don't send anything unless you've paid.
Cashier : Well I need money from you.
Me : Well you're not going to get it.
Cashier : Or credit card.
Me : No, you're not listening.
Cashier : Debit card ?
Me : Can I speak to a manager ?
Cashier : They'll just tell you the same.
Me : No, they won't.
Supervisor : Can I help ?
Me : Has she told you what's happened ?
Supervisor : Yes
Me : And ?
Supervisor : We need to speak to Head Office.
Me : Okay
Supervisor : Do you have the number ?
Me : No - I'm the customer.
Supervisor : Okay then, we'll have to find it. Wait there please.......
5 more minutes pass.....
Supervisor : (On phone) Well he says the item was missing......Oh really ? !
**SHOUTING TO ME** They're about to arrive at your house any minute with your full order !
Me : They already have.
Supervisor : (To person on phone) They already have. (To me) What do you mean they already have ? So what's your problem ?
Me : An item is missing.
Supervisor : Well you'll have to phone Head Office.
Me : I have !
Supervisor : So what did they say ?
Me : Come here to collect the missing item !
and this went on for an eon until they finally twigged and I went away with the missing item !
The sequel to this tale is that Argos eventually delivered the missing parcel. It had been hidden behind another one on the van, so now he has two.
6 comments:
You couldn't make this sort of thing up. Ok in your case you copied it, but my point if still valid !!
Early on in the post I had a senior moment and forgot that you were telling us about what happened to Craig and so when Mr Idiot (minus the Savant bit) at Argos called you sir, I wondered why you hadn't given him a good slap !
I'm easily confused.........
Ian
Talk about thick! Cor!
Oh dear. Not you, Ian. I meant the customer service people. It's the same all over. Dreadful, innit?
It might have been funny if it hadn't sounded so much like a real life experience - like those bizarre mazes that most of us have been through when dealing with officialdom.
I can believe it! If it had happened to me though I'd have gone ballistic.
Have a good weekend.
Thanks for the laugh. Mind you if it happened to me I wouldn't have been laughing.
It is at times like this that I take comfort from Bill Bryson's glorious phrase "thick as pig dribble."
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