Diet? Moi?

I have the morning off but I have been very good and not spent all morning on the computer! I have taken Lucy for a walk and done the domestic goddess bit - hoovering, dusting, tidying, the washing has washed and is now drying as I write and I have even sorted out my wordrobe and 'rationalised' it, as one erstwhile colleague was fond of saying when she was throwing out folders of out of date National Curriculum stuff. That brought me to the realisation of a long-held suspicion - I need to diet! No, correct that- we need to diet. At work it's all too easy to nip out for fish and chips with curry sauce or large portions of chicken and mushroom or steak and kidney pie accompanied by chicken nuggets or spicy chicken wings, followed by cakes.
But, hang on - I don't do that! I don't even eat meat and avoid any processed food as far as possible. I use skimmed or soya milk, never take sugar, never eat chips or crisps or butter. So what am I doing wrong???
It just ain't fair!
Correction! Keith needs to diet! He's the one eating all that junk food, not me. Maybe he could diet for both of us!