Toby's Diary

Just thought I'd drop you all a line to let you know how I'm getting on. After all, Jenny and Keith both seem to think I'm clever, so that must mean that I can write blog posts ... I think!

I've been here for a few weeks now and I think I'm settling in pretty well. I probably wouldn't have settled in so quickly if Paddy hadn't been here to show me the ropes, but I think the old guy gets a bit fed up with my energy sometimes. He's very patient, but he does tell me where to get off now and again. Mind you, I can run rings round him most of the time - part of being clever, I suppose.

We've had a few ups and downs, mind you, like the time before Christmas when I accidentally bit a lump of fur out of Paddy's cheek. Jenny had to take him to the vet's for some special cream. I did try licking it better, but that didn't work, and then he made it worse by scratching it! Jenny said the visit to the vet cost her £40 and she wasn't impressed with either of us. 

She spends quite a bit of time not being impressed me, truth to tell, particularly when I leave puddles and messes around the house! I'm sure I'll get round to remembering to ask to go outside eventually, but, let's face it, would you want to go out into the garden to go to the toilet? 

So, what have I learnt so far?

• When Jenny puts my lead on me for a walk, it's not good to start chewing it.
• When Jenny puts Paddy's lead on, it's not good for me to start chewing it.
• Jenny and Keith are not happy when I have an accident in the house.
• They are doubly not happy when I have an accident in the house 2 minutes after coming in from the garden!
• While I am out for a walk is a good time for me to go to the toilet. (It's what dogs are supposed to do, but I just can't get my head around this one.)
• When Jenny is putting my food into my bowl, it is not a good idea to bark frantically. If I do, she stops, turns her back on me, and I have to wait even longer for it. But I still forget sometimes.
• Paddy does NOT like it if I try to steal some of his food. 
• Paddy doesn't like it when I squeeze into his bed with him. However, he does put up with it - usually.
• Keith's not keen on my chewing his shoes and slippers. I think that if he leaves them lying around, they're just asking to be chewed!

So, that's how things are at present. I'm off to the doggy hairdresser next Thursday. Let's hope I don't disgrace myself there!

Bye for now, everyone and be good! (Oh no, that's me!)

Royal Mail 'service'

I have blogged before about Royal Mail and now that the service has been privatised, I am pretty sure things can only get worse. After all, the priority in future will no longer be the customer (You mean it ever was?) but the shareholders, who have, by the way, done very well for themselves already, seeing that Royal Mail was sold off at a knock-down price, no matter what our esteemed politicians say.
Yesterday, Keith was waiting for an order so that he could go and do a job. This order should have arrived on Tuesday but didn't and, after waiting in vain until ten o'clock for the postman, he set off to do another job. I stayed in to wait for the post and by half past eleven, he had walked purposefully down the road, past our house and back up the other side of the road. No delivery for us.
In the afternoon, we popped out for half an hour and luckily, were back just in time to catch the parcel postman putting one of their nice 'You were out' cards through our letterbox. (By the way, these nice red cards are now nice blue cards with snowflakes on them - just for Christmas!)
For some time now, as UK readers will know, delivery times have been erratic. No longer can you plan your day, safe in the knowledge that the post will arrive at the same time every day - important for people like Keith who rely on being able to order keys and transponders and being confident that they will arrive when they should. Now, the post can arrive any time during the working day and varies greatly from one day to the next.  According to yesterday's postman, our area now has a new manager who is bringing in more changes. Deliveries will be even more erratic, things that you think should come with the letter delivery, may be put in with the parcel delivery, which may, in turn, no longer be within half an hour of the letter delivery but could be hours later.
So, it seems that my new career will be waiting in for the post for anything from a couple of hours to all day - just in case. Sorry, dogs, your walks are on on hold!
"Ah," I hear you say, "but you can go to the sorting office for your package if you miss it."
Well, it's not too far away from us luckily, but if you go by car, you are now not allowed to park in their car park, which means finding a pay and display space somewhere in the car parks nearby and you can now no longer go on the same day, as it will not have been processed. So you lose a day.
'Ring up and ask for a re-delivery then!" you exclaim.
Previously, I could ring up and speak to someone at the local sorting office. Now, I can only ring up and speak to a computer, which requires me to give it an endless stream of irrelevant information, like what colour underwear I have on. (No, OK, that's not one of the questions, but I bet it will be soon!)
Last time I tried it, I gave up in despair.
However, if you thought it could get no worse, cast your eyes over  what's happening to Canada's mail service. Over there, they are talking about giving up door to door deliveries altogether.
Just wait till our new, sleek privatised service gets a load of that!
I'm taking bets on how long it takes Royal Mail to follow suit.

FASCINATING AIDA : very funny OFSTED song for teachers

Just received this link from a teacher friend, one of the 'Ladies who lunch' group, in fact. Worth watching...

Toby here!

Hello everyone, 

Just thought I'd introduce myself. I know Paddy has already told you about me but he can be a bit grumpy sometimes and I was afraid that he might not have given you a balanced picture. I mean, did he tell you how handsome, talented and clever I am? No? Thought not...

Actually, he's not bad for an old chap. He lets me climb all over him, bite his legs and his tail and pull his bed to bits. In return, I soften up the rawhide chews that Jenny sometimes gives us, ready for him to take over. He has had two teeth taken out, you see, so his bite is not what it used to be. (Just as well for me, really, I suppose!)

As far as Keith and Jenny are concerned, they seem reasonably pleased  with me - when I'm not causing mayhem.

Keith is not very happy when I chew his shoes and slippers, which is a shame really, as the shoelaces are particularly tasty, and I think they are getting a bit tired of my bringing dead leaves into the house, but I think it's a great game and at least I don't chew the post when it arrives or bark at the vacuum cleaner AND, most important of all, as far as Jenny is concerned, I don't go berserk when I see a cat, rabbit or squirrel! (You reading this, Paddy?)

This cap is quite tasty too !

The Newbie

Hi everyone, Paddy here, although I"m so exhausted, I don't know how I'm managing to string two sentences together. The reason? Well, Jenny and Keith decided that I was missing Jake (I was) and so I could do with a new friend and, guess what? Before you could say Jack Robinson, they went out yesterday morning and came back with...

Toby!

He's another Bichon Frise and only three and a half months old. Now as I am well in my eighties, in human terms, you can imagine that I have a little trouble matching his energy levels, but so far, we've been getting on pretty well. He's OK for a youngster and mostly does as he's told. I think he needs to work on his toilet training a bit more though. He's had a couple of accidents and when we go outside, he is so busy watching what I'm doing that he forgets to do the necessary himself!

I'm keeping him in order and reminding him who's boss, though. For a start, I'm making a point of sleeping in his bed and playing with his toys. Yes, I know I never play with toys and, no, I haven't ever heard the story of the dog in the manger. You trying to tell me something?

He's keeping on the right side of the humans so far, but I don't think Keith will be too pleased when he finds out that his shoe is being chewed...

Watch this space, folks, watch this space.

And here's another offering.

Subject: Fwd: Fw: Antiques Roadshow

One should not take the English language for granted. Paddy took 2 stuffed dogs to Antiques Roadshow ”Ooh”, said the presenter. “This is a very rare set produced by the celebrated Johns Brothers taxidermists who operated in London at the turn of last century. Do you have any idea what they would fetch if they were in good condition?” “Sticks”, said Paddy

Definition of a politician

Post Turtles

While stitching a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, whose hand was caught in the squeeze gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to politicians and their role as our leaders. 

The old rancher said, "Well, as I see it, most politicians are 'Post Turtles'.''

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

Courtesy of TK once again... 

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a post turtle."

The old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain.

"You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb arse put him up there to begin with."

Best explanation of a politician I've ever heard.