A grand day out - not

"What are we doing on Saturday?" asked Keith this evening. Such is our overcrowded and hectic social schedule that it took me all of a millisecond to answer.
"Nothing," I said.
So the upshot is that he has decided he absolutely must go to the Institute of Certified Locksmiths' security exhibition in Nottingham.
"Would you like to come?" he asked hopefully.
I tried to look enthusiastic.
"It will be bigger than the one we went to in Telford," he said, persuasively.
Try as I might, I just couldn't regard that as a selling point.
"Do I have to?" I said eventually.
He took pity on me. "No, of course not," he said.
So that's OK. I can get on with chewing glass.
Well, which would you rather do?

The nicest way to lose weight.

Looking to lose a few pounds, girls? Look no further. The answer is right here! All we need to do is top up on the vin rouge and knock back a couple of glasses each evening, when you've kicked off your shoes and are relaxing in front of the tv.
Job done, problem solved.
Iechyd da, everyone!

Pssst! It's not going well!

The Jaguar is still not well. Several sensors have been changed, as have the fuel filter and plugs but it still hasn't recovered. Keith and Giles have spent several hours out in the garden giving it TLC and even Paddy was anxious to join them, leaning his paws on the open bonnet, peering into the car's entrails. And before you ask, he didn't come up with a solution either.

So, it's back to the drawing board and the head scratching and I am still not going to get my garden back any time soon.

Paddy's walks

We haven't had a visit from Amanda (dog trainer) since December, mainly because, for most of that time, the weather was such that going for walks was more a case of an endurance test than a pleasant way of spending time, but we have continued with our exercises, even in the days of snow. Paddy doesn't pull on the lead nearly as much now, although he does sneakily try to get ahead of me and veer across my path if I'm not careful.

What I can't understand, though, is why he still barks and lunges at some dogs (albeit not aggressively) and yet is so much calmer and well behaved with others, even within the same walk. Today, we passed about four dogs and he was perfectly well behaved with each of them but then we met a man, whom we often pass, who has two beautifully behaved border collies. So well behaved are they that they are quite happy to stand or even sit to one side on command whilst we rampage our way past, but of course, that wasn't good enough for Paddy today. No, he had to lunge at them and bark madly as if he were a complete idiot...

which, it seems, he is!

From TK

Two offerings for you today. This one is from TK, prompting my response, "You ain't kidding!"

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
Well, there's a very simple answer.
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
We just didn't know we were getting low.
The reason for that is purely geographical.
Our OIL is located in The North Sea
~~~
All Our DIPSTICKS are located in Westminster !

Many a serious word...

I came across this through a link to another video from the same people. Somewhat tongue in cheek but with an underlying more serious message, I think.

The garden and the jaguar

Paddy and I had a lovely walk this morning. The weather was beautiful, just as you would wish the first day of Spring to be. The sky was blue and cloudless, the air was still and the birds were singing their hearts out. In the distance across the valley, I could hear a woodpecker too. It's still very muddy underfoot, of course. The soil around here is largely clay and so holds moisture for ages. Given the weather we have had since the nonentity of a dismal summer, through autumn and on into the winter, it is not surprising that any walks need to be planned with military precision to avoid slipping and sliding in the mud, especially as Paddy has been known to turn into a turbo-charged canine rocket at the sight or smell of a rabbit or squirrel and the last thing I want is to be dragged horizontally through acres of mud.

The garden too is in a sorry state, which is not improved by the continued residence of the Jaguar. Yes, I know, we finally got rid of the Camero and now we have a Jag gracing what was optimistically known as the lawn. It arrived in late summer, 'just for a couple of weeks so that I can do it up and sell it', as Keith assured me. Needless to say, weeks turned into months and it's still here.
But today, Keith has been out to order a temperature sensor, which, allegedly, is going to be the miracle cure, or at least part of it, so maybe things are moving (in more than one sense of the word, I hope.)
Watch this space...
But don't hold your breath!