Catch-up day

I was looking at the latest missive from Royal Mail about the changes in post pricing.
"It comes into effect on 21st August - a special day," I remarked.
Keith immediately assumed that hunted look which indicates that the significance of this day is something he should remember but doesn't.
"Something I should know about?" he asked desperately clutching at straws.
"Oh yes," I said.
He screwed up his face and gazed at the ceiling in the hope that inspiration might yet strike.
"Catch-up day?" he suggested hopefully.
"Catch-up day?" I queried.
"The day you become the same age as me again."
"That's the one," I said.

Elephants huh?

Never one to be left out, TK strikes again...

A touching elephant story
While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes
across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply embedded.
As carefully and as gently as he can he removes the thorn and the elephant gingerly puts its foot down. The elephant turns to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stares at him. For a good ten minutes the man stands frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant turns and walks away. For years after, the man often remembers and ponders the events of that day. Years later the man is walking through the zoo with his son. As they approach the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants turns and walks over to where they are standing at the rail. It stares at him and the man can't help wondering if this is the same elephant. The man climbs tentatively over the railing and makes his way into the enclosure. He walks right up to the elephant and stares back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant wraps its trunk around one of the man's legs and swings him wildly back and forth along the railing, instantly killing him. Probably not the same elephant then.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

This little gem is not from my usual source, TK but from a fellow counselling student, CM. Enjoy.

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favourite passions--and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. "Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first--the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Jobsworths and the Nanny state

Today I set off on a mission - to rent a carpet shampooing machine for the day, which I eventually did after having to provide 2 forms of ID, including a recent utility bill, but that's another story.
A detour on my journey was to Boots the chemist to stock up on Keith's pain killers and some low dose dispersible aspirin (You see, Elder Daughter, I do listen to you and follow your advice!).
At 9.10 I approached the sales asistant.
"I'd like the larger pack of 400mg Ibuprofen please."
Sharp intake of breath and a determined expression on her face.
"Sorry, can't sell you those. The pharmacist isn't here till 10a.m."
Inward groan - forgot that the Nanny State won't allow us to buy nasty strong medicines all by ourselves. Outwardly polite, I said,
"O.K. Well I'll just have some 75mg dispersible aspirin then, please."
Shocked expression that I am trying it on yet again. Voice reminiscent of Joyce Grenfell when talking to 'George'.
"I'm sorry, I can't sell you those. The Pharmacist isn't here."
Thoughts briefly flit through my mind...

• Protest loudly at the stupidity of this state of affairs.
• Ask her what harm she thinks I am going to do to myself or anyone else armed with 75mg dispersible aspirin, for heaven's sake.

No point really. I'm still not going to get served.
I smile through gritted teeth and leave.

Later, I return to Boots, where I am served, without question, by another assistant. This time the all-important pharmacist is in residence.

Is he aware of what I am buying? No
Does the assistant inform him that she is about to entrust me with these 'dangerous' drugs? No.
Would it have made any difference to him or me whether or not he knew what I was buying? Again, no.
Just the result of more mind games by politicians gradually extending their power over our ordinary, everyday lives.

This decorating lark

I am sitting on the sofa, laptop on knee, gazing in admiration at my handiwork all around me. It's a piece of cake, this decorating lark - dead easy. Well, no, actually, there were just a few problems:
In a house the size of a postage stamp (not that I'm complaining - it means less housework), it can be difficult to find room for the ladder, somewhere safe to place the paint tin and move the computer desk and TV unit out of the way without having to disconnect them. I had considered abseiling from the light fitting to reach the inaccessible parts of the walls but decided against it. After all, I don't want to join Keith with a broken ankle, or worse. And no, there was no way I was going to disconnect/dismantle the TV or computer. Have you any idea how many millions of miles of cable nestle behind each of them?
Then there was the problem of which paint was to go where. Yes I know the white gloss was for the woodwork, including skirting boards and dado rail and the subtly toned 'mature cream' (meant to be 'antique cream' but I picked the wrong tin off the shelf) silk finish was to go on the walls. Despite a liberal use of masking tape, I seemed to be incapable of restricting each to its own area.
This meant that some rescue touching up was necessary.
This proved difficult as when I re-glossed bits of the dado rail, it leaked onto the wall and when I then touched up the wall, yes, you've guessed it, it managed to overflow onto the gloss. It's a bit of a vicious circle really - when do you stop? I blame it on being left handed.
Anyway, it's done to the best of my ability. I can see the less-than-perfect bits but we will have to live with them. The paintbrushes and rollers are washed and put away - until I start on the kitchen, anyway but that's for another day.

Decapitated

Since I decorated the living room (just finished today), Keith has very generously offered to remove the top layer of NASA to make it a little less dominant. He even went to great lengths to tidy up all the millions of miles of cable too! Now that's devotion!

Been busy

The decorating, my course and resulting homework sort of took over the weekend and the last two days have been spent in my new school, visiting. A bit of a problem there, though. It is now definitely to close in twelve months and so some parents are already voting with their feet and moving their offspring to other schools from September, which means that, as far as one can tell at present, I am going to have 6 Year 2 children in my class and, if I'm lucky a handful of Year 1 children. So, am I going to report for duty at the beginning of September only to be told I have no class to teach?
Watch this space...................... maybe it was just too good to be true.