The other side of the coin

Today we did a computer software fair at a local primary school and met some very pleasant, hard working, committed teachers and an especially nice headteacher, which made a very welcome change from our experiences yesterday. (Sorry, I forgot - that was only a fairy story!)
The wide variety of atmosphere and ethos in schools always intrigues me. You can usually get a good idea of what a school is like as soon as you go into the building. The common giveaways are the attitude of the secretary and headteacher, the friendliness or otherwise of staff as they pass you by on the way to wherever and, very importantly, the behaviour and attitude of the children.
There are schools which are like an educational version of the Ideal Homes Exhibition, which look very impressive but give the impression that everything is there for effect and the children have very little to do with it and, at the other end of the scale, there are those which have that 'lived in' look but are very 'hands on.'
Today's school was the latter, an old Victorian building, not very well maintained and definitely with a lived in look, but the staff were friendly and determined to make our visit as much of a success as they could. The headteacher made coffee for us when we arrived to set up - how impressive is that?
If I were still teaching, that is one school I would be happy to work in.

And the Most Awkward Customer Award winner this week is........

Once upon a time, there was a computer shop (Nothing to do with ours, a purely imaginary one) which also did repairs. One day a woman rang up (I will not dignify her with the title of lady) saying that she had bought a modem to fit in a computer (a long time ago, although she did not say this) and found it didn't work so she wanted to bring it back. When the shop lady said it would have to be tested to see whether it was faulty, she said, "Well, I'm not paying because when I brought my computer in to be repaired, someone charged me £10 so I took it home and vowed never to come to your shop again, and I haven't until now."

So the woman brought in the computer, which, the technician discovered, was trying to run Windows XP on only 128mb Ram which, as you will all know, is pushing it to say the least! When this was pointed out to the customer, she lost her temper and said that the technician was making excuses and was not a professional and didn't want to sort out the problem of the modem and, furthermore, had been very rude to her. She turned red in the face and stamped her foot. At this, the technician's fairy godmother became very angry with the customer and suggested that maybe her attitude was not helping (or words to that effect!). The customer called her a 'stupid, f............ cow' and stamped her foot again and demanded her computer back. By now there were two more customers in the shop and she shouted at them too.
I would like to end this story by reporting that both the customer and her computer were forcibly ejected from the shop, but I can't because the people who work there are too nice to do that. Mind you, if the fairy godmother comes face to face with her again in the near future, there is no saying what might happen.................. Watch this space!!

Feeling your age?

For those of us 'in the prime of life' - (you know who you are!) This came to me from Dale in Canada.

Some of the artists from the '60s , 70's, 80's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us aging baby boomers. This is good news for "those feeling a little older" and missing those great old tunes.
Herman's Hermits
"MRS. BROWN, YOU'VE GOT A LOVELY WALKER"
The Bee Gees
"HOW CAN YOU MEND A BROKEN HIP"
Bobby Darin
"SPLISH, SPLASH, I WAS HAVIN' A FLASH"
Ringo Starr
"I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM DEPENDS"
Roberta Flack
"THE FIRST TIME EVER I FORGOT YOUR FACE"
Johnny Nash
"I CAN'T SEE CLEARLY NOW"
Paul Simon
"FIFTY WAYS TO LOSE YOUR LIVER"
Commodores
"ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES TO THE BATHROOM"
Marvin Gaye
"I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPE NUTS"
Procol Harem
"A WHITER SHADE OF HAIR"
Leo Sayer
"YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE NAPPING"
The Temptations
"PAPA'S GOT A KIDNEY STONE"
ABBA
"DENTURE QUEEN”

Wine on keyboards (2)

Keith would like me to inform everyone that, owing to the fact that the wine he threw all over the keyboard was the last of the bottle and he hates seeing wine go to waste anyway, he has spent the last few days desperately sucking the residue from between the keys! (In case you are getting worried - i am joking!)
However, the new keyboard - which is much nicer to use - came in a box! Yes, you've guessed it. Said box is now in pride of place on top of the music centre! The excuse? Well, it happens to be the same size as the surface area of the music centre plus its speakers. You see, there is method in his madness! :)

Lunch anyone?

Every morning at 11.20am precisely, Keith looks at his Starship Enterprise clock in the shop and starts to make 'food' signals which is my cue to ask what everyone wants for their lunch. Being the 'junior' it is usually my task to pop round to KwikSave and browse the delicatessen counter in search of what Keith normally calls 'jubbly bits' - in other words, his lunch!
Doing this on a daily basis means it sometimes becomes a little difficult to ring the changes, but tonight, I have the answer, thoughtfully provided by Michael Palin in his current Sunday evening programme Himalayas with Michael Palin. He has just mentioned having 'dried yak buttock' for breakfast!
So there we are - when anyone decides they are bored with what's on offer at the local deli, I shall suggest yak buttock sandwiches.
Mind you, I'm not sure how the girls on Kwik Save's deli counter will react when I ask them for it! On second thoughts, perhaps I am...........

Manners!

A couple stood before me in the shop this afternoon, having come to collect their computer which had been in for repair. The job had been done, at some discount as they are longstanding, though difficult, customers but the woman pulled her chequebook out of her bag with exceeding reluctance. The expression on her face was reminiscent of having teeth pulled without an anaesthetic.
Then they wanted to look at a flat screen monitor. Again they were offered it at £10 less than normal price.
"We're good customers. We've spent thousands of pounds with you over the years. Can you do it for thirty pounds less?" asked the man.
The argument that if we did that, there would be no profit in it at all for the business and that we do, after all, have to make a living cut no ice at all.
"Well, I can get it at that price from Argos," was the reply, followed by a rant on what good customers they are and how little appreciated that fact was. It was then pointed out to him that he has also had a lot of support (for issues brought about by his incompetence, but we won't go into that!). This also cut no ice and two disgruntled people stalked out of the shop.
I was left wondering what it is about some people that the more you give them, the more they demand, without a hint of gratitude or graciousness and, secondly, if they feel they get so little satisfaction from our shop, why do they keep coming back because, as sure as anything, they will be on the phone during the week, having messed up the system yet again and demanding free, lengthy consultations and advice. And, guess what, this time, they won't be getting it! The worm has turned!!

Red wine and keyboards

I have noticed recently that the spacebar on the desktop computer keyboard doesn't work properly. Inotherwordsitdoesn'tleavespacesbetweenwords! However, Keith to the rescue - he has fixed it. Not in the ordinary sense of the word, of course. Keith doesn't 'do' ordinary! His method of fixing was to tip a glass of finest Australian red all over it (well Australian red, anyway). So now, none of the keys work.However, not to be outdone, I retrieved another one from the cupboard under the stairs. (Doesn't everyone keep keyboards under the stairs?) And guess what! That one doesn't work either. Why? Well, it's had red wine tipped over it.You'd think he'd have learned by now, wouldn't you? It's white wine that does the trick!