Calamity!

Yesterday was a bad day. The worst thing possible happened (well, in I.T. terms anyway). My laptop, after logging on and making a few plaintive peeping noises, froze and when I tried to fire it up again, a message appeared telling me that no operating system could be detected.
"Of course there's an operating system - just look will ya!!!" I yelled, but to no avail. The hard drive had breathed its last, given up the ghost and quietly slipped away.
In a panic, I rang Keith.
"Oh dear," he said, in the tones that meant he knew he was going to be in for some ear bashing, weeping and wailing for at least the next twenty four hours.
He ordered a new hard drive, to arrive poste haste today.
He came home from work last night and sniggered at the empty space on the coffee table.
He took out his new mobile phone.
"Did you know I can surf the internet on this?" he asked, unnecessarily.
"You won't be able to when I have thrown it over the back fence into the woods," I said.

Arachnid alert!

We are coming into the spider season again. August and September are the months when I refrain from sitting on the floor, or staying downstairs on my own at night to watch television and I certainly don't walk around barefoot. This is the time when a movement seen from the corner of your eye becomes a gigantic hairy spider charging across the living room looking for its next meal or making a desperate dash for freedom. It's the time when you almost fall downstairs from sheer terror at coming face to face with one of the horrific black creatures half way up just sitting there waiting to strike terror into your heart - you could almost see the smug smirk of satisfaction on its face if you were inclined to hang around! Then there is always the clever one which hangs around on the shower curtain, waiting till you are nicely installed under the jet of water before it shows itself and abandons you to your slippery slide of terror.
But they're getting sneakier and cleverer.
Like the one which hid itself in the laundry basket so that I carried it downstairs in a bundle of washing - I actually had it in my arms! I'm still getting palpitations just thinking about it.
And to add insult to injury, since Keith broke his ankle, he seems to have resigned from spider-killing duty, leaving me to deal with them, alone, unaided, by myself.
I mean - it's not much to ask. What else would you keep a man in the house for???

New car - old radio

I have changed my car. No longer the elderly Audi Estate which was heavy on the juice and had started to burn oil, now I have a petite Peugeot 106 Graduate deisel. It's also fairly elderly but sports distinctive, decorative twirly bits on the sides. This is important. The Audi had CPU Direct Computers Ltd along each side so I was always able to find it quite easily in carparks when I had forgotten just where I had parked, so I am hoping that the twirly bits on the Peugeot will fulfil the same function.
Where I do have a slight problem is with the radio. It's there, loosely attached in its niche but it doesn't work. That's not the problem though, as Keith has another one to replace it which just needs decoding, which he will be able to do, when he gets round to it.
"The radio fell out when I went round a corner today," I remarked to Keith on the phone.
"It fell on my hand," I continued.
"But I can't take it out altogether because the wires are still attached," I persisted.
"Ah, there's something you can do about that," came the response.
I waited, wondering what the 'something' was likely to be. Cut the wires? Stop going round corners?
"Get a piece of card and fold it,"came the instructions.
I braced myself for possible technical instructions to follow.
"Then wedge it down the side of the radio and it won't slip out again," said Keith with the air of a man confident that he had produced the perfect solution.
"Actually, I would rather just have the new one fitted...SOON!"
"Oh, are you sure?" came the hurt tones of a disillusioned man.

Losing weight

CM sent me this observation on married life today. Read on...

Here's a gem to share with your nearest and dearest........
There has been recent talk in the media about scientists pondering on the reason for females getting a little bit 'plumper' once they are married.
Theories thrown around include the fact that they are content, perhaps they are no longer on diets to catch the man of therir dreams and many more.
However, my favourite broadcaster Sir Terry Wogan this week came up with his own theory which I think is fantastic :
When single girls come home they go straight to fridge, see what's there, then go to bed. When married women come home they go straight to bed, see what's there, then go to the fridge ! ! !

Classic ! :-)

What a load of rubbish!

Apparently there are moves afoot to fine householders £110 if they put their rubbish out before the designated day of collection.
What I want to know is how much my refuse collectors will be fined when they empty my recycling box and then deliberately chuck it into next door's garden, as they did the other week!

Catch-up day

I was looking at the latest missive from Royal Mail about the changes in post pricing.
"It comes into effect on 21st August - a special day," I remarked.
Keith immediately assumed that hunted look which indicates that the significance of this day is something he should remember but doesn't.
"Something I should know about?" he asked desperately clutching at straws.
"Oh yes," I said.
He screwed up his face and gazed at the ceiling in the hope that inspiration might yet strike.
"Catch-up day?" he suggested hopefully.
"Catch-up day?" I queried.
"The day you become the same age as me again."
"That's the one," I said.

Elephants huh?

Never one to be left out, TK strikes again...

A touching elephant story
While on holiday in Kenya and walking through the bush a man comes
across an elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seems distressed so the man approaches very carefully. He gets down on one knee and inspects the bottom of the elephant's foot only to find a large thorn deeply embedded.
As carefully and as gently as he can he removes the thorn and the elephant gingerly puts its foot down. The elephant turns to face the man and with a rather stern look on its face, stares at him. For a good ten minutes the man stands frozen - thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant turns and walks away. For years after, the man often remembers and ponders the events of that day. Years later the man is walking through the zoo with his son. As they approach the elephant enclosure, one of the elephants turns and walks over to where they are standing at the rail. It stares at him and the man can't help wondering if this is the same elephant. The man climbs tentatively over the railing and makes his way into the enclosure. He walks right up to the elephant and stares back in wonder. Suddenly the elephant wraps its trunk around one of the man's legs and swings him wildly back and forth along the railing, instantly killing him. Probably not the same elephant then.