This dropped into my inbox just now from TK who had it from a friend in USA. I refuse to relate to any of it!!!!
I've seen two shows lately that went on and on about how mid-life is agreat time for women.Just last week Oprah had a whole show on how great menopause will be... Puhleeeeeeeze! I've had a few thoughts of my own and would like to share them with you. Whether you are pushing 40, 50, 60 (or maybe even just pushing your luck) you'll probably relate.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms,we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top andscream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."
Mid-life brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're sittingon our biggest ones.
Mid-life is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retainis water.Mid -life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally --more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin.Mid-life means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the"big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired. That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
A visitor
Today and tomorrow we have a little visitor. Unfortunately, this time there is no Lucy to play with.
This week
This week, contrary to all expectations for the first week of a new term, I have had a full 5 days of supply in a lovely school in Cheshire. The class? 24 Reception children - well behaved, intelligent, motivated - a class to die for! And there's a possibility of a couple more days next week.
So that's the reason for my silence - preparation and exhaustion.
Well, a bit tired by the end of the day, anyway. But there'll be some money in the bank for April, which is nice.
So that's the reason for my silence - preparation and exhaustion.
Well, a bit tired by the end of the day, anyway. But there'll be some money in the bank for April, which is nice.
Latest update
On Sunday Keith took advantage of my absence on my course to remodel his thigh length plaster into a knee length plaster. Yes, he has cut the top part off so that he can bend his knee.
On Thursday he has to go back to the hospital to face the music!
On Thursday he has to go back to the hospital to face the music!
Busy again
Busy with school preparation at the moment, so here is a little offering from TK to keep you going.
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the EasterBunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately therabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulledover to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to hisdismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry. A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side ofthe road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunnyand killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?" The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked overto the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal. Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked upthe spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away theEaster Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50yards and waved again! The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? Whatwas it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
A man was blissfully driving along the highway, when he saw the EasterBunny hopping across the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting the Bunny, but unfortunately therabbit jumped in front of his car and was hit. The basket of eggs went flying all over the place. Candy, too. The driver, being a sensitive man as well as an animal lover, pulledover to the side of the road, and got out to see what had become of the Bunny carrying the basket. Much to hisdismay, the colorful Bunny was dead. The driver felt guilty and began to cry. A woman driving down the same highway saw the man crying on the side ofthe road and pulled over. She stepped out of her car and asked the man what was wrong. "I feel terrible," he explained, "I accidentally hit the Easter Bunnyand killed it. There may not be an Easter because of me. What should I do?" The woman told the man not to worry. She knew exactly what to do. She went to her car trunk, and pulled out a spray can. She walked overto the limp, dead Bunny, and sprayed the entire contents of the can onto the little furry animal. Miraculously the Easter Bunny came to back life, jumped up, picked upthe spilled eggs and candy, waved its paw at the two humans and hopped on down the road. 50 yards away theEaster Bunny stopped, turned around, waved and hopped on down the road another 50 yards, turned, waved, hopped another 50yards and waved again! The man was astonished. He said to the woman, "What in heaven's name is in your spray can? Whatwas it that you sprayed on the Easter Bunny?" The woman turned the can around so that the man could read the label. It said: "Hair spray. Restores life to dead hair. Adds permanent wave."
We are not amused!
Keith and I were having a nostalgia moment.
"This time last year," I remarked, "we were not far off going to France."
"Hmmm, not much chance of that this year," Keith said sadly.
"Well, I could drive."
I noticed a sharp movement as Keith cowered in his wheelchair, a look of abject terror on his face.
"Ooooh, no," he quavered. "All that road rage!"
"But I could do road rage in French," I suggested persuasively. "I could even do the arm-waving."
Keith cowered even further.
"Maybe you'd like to get yourself to the shop today," I said acidly.
"This time last year," I remarked, "we were not far off going to France."
"Hmmm, not much chance of that this year," Keith said sadly.
"Well, I could drive."
I noticed a sharp movement as Keith cowered in his wheelchair, a look of abject terror on his face.
"Ooooh, no," he quavered. "All that road rage!"
"But I could do road rage in French," I suggested persuasively. "I could even do the arm-waving."
Keith cowered even further.
"Maybe you'd like to get yourself to the shop today," I said acidly.
Justice?
An interesting item which dropped into my inbox today. Read on.............
This is a story to give one confidence in the impartiality, decency and fairness of our police and judicial system. On 14 November 2002 octogenarians Paul Carlisle and his wife discovered a small fire in the boiler-room at the back of their large farmhouse near Hay-on-Wye. They applied fire extinguishers and called '999' before starting to remove valuable pictures and belongings from the far end (West) of the house. Two policemen answered the emergency call within minutes and ordered the owners to stop entering the house and to leave immediately although the fire had not then spread anywhere near to where they were rescuing their valuables. Capt. Carlisle quite reasonably remonstrated, whereupon he was physically manhandled into a cage at the back of the police vehicle on his head with his feet in the air. He was to remain in this uncomfortable and undignified position for about twenty minutes. His wife was locked in another police car and driven off to a neighbour at her request. Meanwhile a posse of eight police and three ambulance drivers stood around and watched the fire slowly spread through the house. Several neighbours who had gathered to help, were also told to keep away. Over half an hour after the first police arrived, they deigned to call the fire service and within ten minutes a local amateur crew arrived, the Brecon fire service being on strike at the time. By now the fire had spread and taken hold. The firemen failed to control the blaze; the house and most of its contents were destroyed. The insurance cover was inadequate and the Carlisles are some £750,000 out of pocket, besides having lost irreplaceable heirlooms. They contend that the police acted unreasonably by forcibly and falsely imprisoning the owners in the first place, instead of allowing them to remove valuables when there was no physical risk whatsoever; and negligently by failing to call the fire service immediately so that the fire could have easily been brought under control, in which case both house and contents could have been saved. Capt. Carlisle further suspects that because over many years he has felt compelled to take issue with the local police in person and in the press over alleged minor driving offences, he is being deliberately and vindictively victimised. He has been harrassed on a number of other occasions. He also finds it curious that a number of law firms have declined to represent his claim for damages against the police. Meanwhile the police are pressing for his case to be struck out as 'having no reasonable prospect of success' whereas in an age of natural justice the reverse would probably be true. In support of their claim they have submitted evidence that Capt. Carlisle considers bears little relation to the facts. For example they have defended their decision to prevent entry alleging that thick smoke was pervading the house, whereas there was no smoke at the time and a strong SW breeze was blowing away from the house, according to eye-witnesses. One police statement has claimed Capt. Carlisle was arrested, but he denies he was formally cautioned before being manhandled. They claim they were trying to save the Carlisles, as was their duty, but are they seriously suggesting they were prepared to incinerate themselves for property however valuable? It seems highly unlikely! One is therefore entitled to ask whether this is a reasonable way to 'assist' two distressed elderly citizens witnessing the entirely avoidable destruction of their home, by ensuring no one did anything to save it until it was too late. 'Nil combustibus pro fumo ' (Michael Flanders) The hearing has been transferred from Brecon to the High Court in Cardiff and is listed for 2pm on Thursday 27th April.
This is a story to give one confidence in the impartiality, decency and fairness of our police and judicial system. On 14 November 2002 octogenarians Paul Carlisle and his wife discovered a small fire in the boiler-room at the back of their large farmhouse near Hay-on-Wye. They applied fire extinguishers and called '999' before starting to remove valuable pictures and belongings from the far end (West) of the house. Two policemen answered the emergency call within minutes and ordered the owners to stop entering the house and to leave immediately although the fire had not then spread anywhere near to where they were rescuing their valuables. Capt. Carlisle quite reasonably remonstrated, whereupon he was physically manhandled into a cage at the back of the police vehicle on his head with his feet in the air. He was to remain in this uncomfortable and undignified position for about twenty minutes. His wife was locked in another police car and driven off to a neighbour at her request. Meanwhile a posse of eight police and three ambulance drivers stood around and watched the fire slowly spread through the house. Several neighbours who had gathered to help, were also told to keep away. Over half an hour after the first police arrived, they deigned to call the fire service and within ten minutes a local amateur crew arrived, the Brecon fire service being on strike at the time. By now the fire had spread and taken hold. The firemen failed to control the blaze; the house and most of its contents were destroyed. The insurance cover was inadequate and the Carlisles are some £750,000 out of pocket, besides having lost irreplaceable heirlooms. They contend that the police acted unreasonably by forcibly and falsely imprisoning the owners in the first place, instead of allowing them to remove valuables when there was no physical risk whatsoever; and negligently by failing to call the fire service immediately so that the fire could have easily been brought under control, in which case both house and contents could have been saved. Capt. Carlisle further suspects that because over many years he has felt compelled to take issue with the local police in person and in the press over alleged minor driving offences, he is being deliberately and vindictively victimised. He has been harrassed on a number of other occasions. He also finds it curious that a number of law firms have declined to represent his claim for damages against the police. Meanwhile the police are pressing for his case to be struck out as 'having no reasonable prospect of success' whereas in an age of natural justice the reverse would probably be true. In support of their claim they have submitted evidence that Capt. Carlisle considers bears little relation to the facts. For example they have defended their decision to prevent entry alleging that thick smoke was pervading the house, whereas there was no smoke at the time and a strong SW breeze was blowing away from the house, according to eye-witnesses. One police statement has claimed Capt. Carlisle was arrested, but he denies he was formally cautioned before being manhandled. They claim they were trying to save the Carlisles, as was their duty, but are they seriously suggesting they were prepared to incinerate themselves for property however valuable? It seems highly unlikely! One is therefore entitled to ask whether this is a reasonable way to 'assist' two distressed elderly citizens witnessing the entirely avoidable destruction of their home, by ensuring no one did anything to save it until it was too late. 'Nil combustibus pro fumo ' (Michael Flanders) The hearing has been transferred from Brecon to the High Court in Cardiff and is listed for 2pm on Thursday 27th April.
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