Something to smile at

Another little gem from T.K.

This is for all of you who have heard the baseball one of "Who's on first!"
Lou Costello Tries to Buy a Computer from Bud Abbott
ABBOTT (behind the counter at: Super Duper computer store): Can I help
you?
COSTELLO: Thanks. I'm setting up an office in my den, and I'm thinking
about buying a computer.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: No, the name's Lou.
ABBOTT: Your computer?
COSTELLO: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.
ABBOTT: Mac?
COSTELLO: I told you, my name's Lou.
ABBOTT: What about Windows?
COSTELLO: Why? Will it get stuffy in here?
ABBOTT: Do you want a computer with Windows?
COSTELLO: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows?
ABBOTT: Wallpaper.
COSTELLO: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software.
ABBOTT: Software for Windows?
COSTELLO: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write
proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?
ABBOTT: I just did.
COSTELLO: You just did what?
ABBOTT: Recommend something.
COSTELLO: You recommended something?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: For my office?
ABBOTT: Yes.
COSTELLO: OK, what did you recommend for my office?
ABBOTT: Office.
COSTELLO: Yes, for my office!
ABBOTT: I recommend Office with Windows.
COSTELLO: I already have an office and it has windows! OK, lets just
say, I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type my proposal. What do I need?
ABBOTT: Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: Word in Office.
COSTELLO: The only word in office is office.
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: Which word in office for windows?
ABBOTT: The Word you get when you click the blue "W."
COSTELLO: I'm going to click your blue "W" if you don't start with some
straight answers. OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet?
ABBOTT: Yes, you want Real One.
COSTELLO: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of
your business. Just tell me what I need!
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO: If its a long movie I also want to see reel 2. 3 & 4. Can I
watch them?
ABBOTT: Of course.
COSTELLO: Great, with what?
ABBOTT: Real One.
COSTELLO; OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do?
ABBOTT: You click the blue "1."
COSTELLO: I click the blue one what?
ABBOTT: The blue "1."
COSTELLO: Is that different from the blue "W"?
ABBOTT: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word.
COSTELLO: What word?
ABBOTT: The Word in Office for Windows.
COSTELLO: But there's three words in "office for windows!"
ABBOTT: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world.
COSTELLO: It is?
ABBOTT: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty
much wiped out all the other Words out there.
COSTELLO: And that word is real one?
ABBOTT: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office.
COSTELLO: Stop! Don't start that again. What about financial
bookkeeping, you have anything I can track my money with?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: That's right. What do you have?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: I need money to track my money?
ABBOTT: It comes bundled with your computer.
COSTELLO: What's bundled to my computer?
ABBOTT: Money.
COSTELLO: Money comes with my computer?
ABBOTT: Yes. No extra charge.
COSTELLO: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?
ABBOTT: One copy.
COSTELLO: Isn't it illegal to copy money?
ABBOTT: Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.
COSTELLO: They can give you a license to copy money?
ABBOTT: Why not? THEY OWN IT!
COSTELLO: How do I turn my computer off??
ABBOTT: Click on "START".........

Keyboards with legs

I sold a new keyboard to a customer yesterday morning and he went off quite happily with it. Half an hour later, the phone rang. It was my customer:
Hello. I've just set my keyboard up with my computer but it's wobbling. I can't get it level at all.

It should have 2 little legs at the back which you pull out so that it stays level.

No, I've looked. There's nothing like that. I'll have to bring it back. Wait a minute. I'll just go upstairs and have another look.

(I wait on the phone for the next few minutes.)

Hello? Yes, actually there are two legs to pull out. I didn't see them before. It' fine now.

All in a day's work. Remember my idea about passing a test before being allowed to have a computer? Seems like a good idea. :)

Now what?

Well, the novel is finished, uploaded and word-counted and I've got the certificate to prove it. After a month of typing away every spare minute, I don't have to do that any more. It feels a bit odd now. I've got that unfamiliar thing called 'spare time' - not a lot, but more than in the past 30 days. So what should I do with it?

• Start playing about with my blog template again? That can take hours!
• Do some housework - if I can remember where the hoover is.
• Write some Christmas cards - have to be in the mood for that.
• Do some Christmas shopping - now although it's almost December, I just haven't been able to psych myself up for that.
• Catch up with reading other people's blogs - yes, I've already started doing that.
• Read - good idea.
• All of the above. That should keep me going until Christmas anyway!

Finished!!!

FINISHED!!!

The end is nigh

Only about 1000 words to go before I clock up my 50,000 words for NaNoWriMo! What on earth shall I do with myself after Tuesday!!

Investors in People

Hands up anyone who works for a company which has the Investors in People award!
If so, do you recognise these comments as applying to your place of work?

...employers feel a sense of ownership and pride in their work
It is vital that everyone feels valued and confident because they have such an important role.....we all work together as a team and get a great deal of satisfaction knowing that we have done our best.
The award is given after an assessment of staff welfare and work procedures.

No? Me neither. That purely imaginary school which I have talked about before obtained this award after a series of stage managed interviews for which employees were carefully chosen and briefed on what to say. The process was embarked on straight after an OFSTED inspection, when staff were tired and looking forward to getting back to routine. Did this award result in staff feeling more valued and appreciated? There were many comments which suggested quite the opposite.
Did the award have a positive effect on the school generally? If it did, it was well hidden!
So what difference did it make? You tell me!

A pig for Christmas?

Keith found this site recently. It is run by the charity World Vision and is a site to consider if you are tired of all the money that is wasted at Christmas buying presents because it's expected for people who have everything anyway. It's also an excellent concept if you and the people you are buying for would like to take the opportunity to give to those in the developing world who otherwise can only dream of many of the basic things in life that the rest of us take for granted. The idea is that you choose something from the list to buy on behalf on someone you would normally be buying a present for. You can choose and fill in an online card which will be sent to that person telling them what you have bought on their behalf and how it will benefit the recipient. There is a range of things to choose from - pigs for £37, water filtration sets to provide clean drinking water to name but two. I think Keith might be having the pig as he has told me I can't give a sheep to a Welshman! (Don't go there!)
Check it out - it's good!