For those of us 'in the prime of life' - (you know who you are!) This came to me from Dale in Canada.
Some of the artists from the '60s , 70's, 80's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate us aging baby boomers. This is good news for "those feeling a little older" and missing those great old tunes.
Herman's Hermits
"MRS. BROWN, YOU'VE GOT A LOVELY WALKER"
The Bee Gees
"HOW CAN YOU MEND A BROKEN HIP"
Bobby Darin
"SPLISH, SPLASH, I WAS HAVIN' A FLASH"
Ringo Starr
"I GET BY WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM DEPENDS"
Roberta Flack
"THE FIRST TIME EVER I FORGOT YOUR FACE"
Johnny Nash
"I CAN'T SEE CLEARLY NOW"
Paul Simon
"FIFTY WAYS TO LOSE YOUR LIVER"
Commodores
"ONCE, TWICE, THREE TIMES TO THE BATHROOM"
Marvin Gaye
"I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPE NUTS"
Procol Harem
"A WHITER SHADE OF HAIR"
Leo Sayer
"YOU MAKE ME FEEL LIKE NAPPING"
The Temptations
"PAPA'S GOT A KIDNEY STONE"
ABBA
"DENTURE QUEEN”
Wine on keyboards (2)
Keith would like me to inform everyone that, owing to the fact that the wine he threw all over the keyboard was the last of the bottle and he hates seeing wine go to waste anyway, he has spent the last few days desperately sucking the residue from between the keys! (In case you are getting worried - i am joking!)
However, the new keyboard - which is much nicer to use - came in a box! Yes, you've guessed it. Said box is now in pride of place on top of the music centre! The excuse? Well, it happens to be the same size as the surface area of the music centre plus its speakers. You see, there is method in his madness! :)
However, the new keyboard - which is much nicer to use - came in a box! Yes, you've guessed it. Said box is now in pride of place on top of the music centre! The excuse? Well, it happens to be the same size as the surface area of the music centre plus its speakers. You see, there is method in his madness! :)
Lunch anyone?
Every morning at 11.20am precisely, Keith looks at his Starship Enterprise clock in the shop and starts to make 'food' signals which is my cue to ask what everyone wants for their lunch. Being the 'junior' it is usually my task to pop round to KwikSave and browse the delicatessen counter in search of what Keith normally calls 'jubbly bits' - in other words, his lunch!
Doing this on a daily basis means it sometimes becomes a little difficult to ring the changes, but tonight, I have the answer, thoughtfully provided by Michael Palin in his current Sunday evening programme Himalayas with Michael Palin. He has just mentioned having 'dried yak buttock' for breakfast!
So there we are - when anyone decides they are bored with what's on offer at the local deli, I shall suggest yak buttock sandwiches.
Mind you, I'm not sure how the girls on Kwik Save's deli counter will react when I ask them for it! On second thoughts, perhaps I am...........
Doing this on a daily basis means it sometimes becomes a little difficult to ring the changes, but tonight, I have the answer, thoughtfully provided by Michael Palin in his current Sunday evening programme Himalayas with Michael Palin. He has just mentioned having 'dried yak buttock' for breakfast!
So there we are - when anyone decides they are bored with what's on offer at the local deli, I shall suggest yak buttock sandwiches.
Mind you, I'm not sure how the girls on Kwik Save's deli counter will react when I ask them for it! On second thoughts, perhaps I am...........
Manners!
A couple stood before me in the shop this afternoon, having come to collect their computer which had been in for repair. The job had been done, at some discount as they are longstanding, though difficult, customers but the woman pulled her chequebook out of her bag with exceeding reluctance. The expression on her face was reminiscent of having teeth pulled without an anaesthetic.
Then they wanted to look at a flat screen monitor. Again they were offered it at £10 less than normal price.
"We're good customers. We've spent thousands of pounds with you over the years. Can you do it for thirty pounds less?" asked the man.
The argument that if we did that, there would be no profit in it at all for the business and that we do, after all, have to make a living cut no ice at all.
"Well, I can get it at that price from Argos," was the reply, followed by a rant on what good customers they are and how little appreciated that fact was. It was then pointed out to him that he has also had a lot of support (for issues brought about by his incompetence, but we won't go into that!). This also cut no ice and two disgruntled people stalked out of the shop.
I was left wondering what it is about some people that the more you give them, the more they demand, without a hint of gratitude or graciousness and, secondly, if they feel they get so little satisfaction from our shop, why do they keep coming back because, as sure as anything, they will be on the phone during the week, having messed up the system yet again and demanding free, lengthy consultations and advice. And, guess what, this time, they won't be getting it! The worm has turned!!
Then they wanted to look at a flat screen monitor. Again they were offered it at £10 less than normal price.
"We're good customers. We've spent thousands of pounds with you over the years. Can you do it for thirty pounds less?" asked the man.
The argument that if we did that, there would be no profit in it at all for the business and that we do, after all, have to make a living cut no ice at all.
"Well, I can get it at that price from Argos," was the reply, followed by a rant on what good customers they are and how little appreciated that fact was. It was then pointed out to him that he has also had a lot of support (for issues brought about by his incompetence, but we won't go into that!). This also cut no ice and two disgruntled people stalked out of the shop.
I was left wondering what it is about some people that the more you give them, the more they demand, without a hint of gratitude or graciousness and, secondly, if they feel they get so little satisfaction from our shop, why do they keep coming back because, as sure as anything, they will be on the phone during the week, having messed up the system yet again and demanding free, lengthy consultations and advice. And, guess what, this time, they won't be getting it! The worm has turned!!
Red wine and keyboards
I have noticed recently that the spacebar on the desktop computer keyboard doesn't work properly. Inotherwordsitdoesn'tleavespacesbetweenwords! However, Keith to the rescue - he has fixed it. Not in the ordinary sense of the word, of course. Keith doesn't 'do' ordinary! His method of fixing was to tip a glass of finest Australian red all over it (well Australian red, anyway). So now, none of the keys work.However, not to be outdone, I retrieved another one from the cupboard under the stairs. (Doesn't everyone keep keyboards under the stairs?) And guess what! That one doesn't work either. Why? Well, it's had red wine tipped over it.You'd think he'd have learned by now, wouldn't you? It's white wine that does the trick!
Just follow the destructions!
I popped down to Bristol today to bring Dad an early Christmas present, a printer/scanner. Set it up, correct leads present, driver disk present, went through the motions only to find that the scanner was showing an error message and refusing to play ball. After over an hour, during which time the dratted thing came perilously close to being hurled through the window, I gave in and called my personal helpline, Keith.
"Have you unlocked the scanner?" was the mild enquiry.
"What do you mean?"
"Didn't you read that yellow piece of paper at the side which said unlock the scanner?" was the reply.
"Oh........"
Machine is now fully installed and working like a trooper. However, what I want to know is why the error message which came up said 'Refer to documentation and call Service if necessary." Why couldn't it just have said, 'unlock scanner' or even 'please unlock scanner.'?????
Oh no, sorry, that would be tooooooo easy!!!! Grrrrrr!!
"Have you unlocked the scanner?" was the mild enquiry.
"What do you mean?"
"Didn't you read that yellow piece of paper at the side which said unlock the scanner?" was the reply.
"Oh........"
Machine is now fully installed and working like a trooper. However, what I want to know is why the error message which came up said 'Refer to documentation and call Service if necessary." Why couldn't it just have said, 'unlock scanner' or even 'please unlock scanner.'?????
Oh no, sorry, that would be tooooooo easy!!!! Grrrrrr!!
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