I'm back home after a couple of days down in Bristol visiting Dad. When I am there, I do a fair bit of dusting, hoovering, washing, ironing and shopping as well as cleaning up the kitchen, of course, as you would expect.
Then I come home and start dusting, hoovering, washing, ironing and shopping..... but before I do all that, I have to hack my way through the layers of grease, fat and other unidentifiable detritus that has bloomed in the kitchen since my departure.
"What on earth have you been feeding yourself?" I ask as I scrub patches of grease off the kitchen floor.
Keith assumes his innocent and mildly offended look.
"Nothing much. Today I had a couple of chicken and mushroom pies and some beefburgers."
"Well, they were only small ones.
I dismantle the hob ready for more cleaning.