"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."

('The Alchemist' Paulo Coelho)

Sunday, October 19, 2008

The Government and the banks are looking after us - honest!

I was sent a link to The Daily Mash in an email this weekend and couldn't resist posting it here. We probably mostly breathed a sigh of relief that the USA and European governments finally decided to do something about the chaotic financial abyss yawning at our feet, but looking at it this way - well, it does make you wonder...
The Government is to invest £500bn of your money in British banks so they can lend it back to you with interest.
The historic move is being hailed as a lifeline for the financial system as long as nobody asks too many questions. Julian Cook, chief economist at Corbett and Barker, said: "The government will give your money to the banks so the banks can start lending you that money, probably at around 7% APR. Thanks to all the interest you're paying on your own money, the banks will make billions of pounds again and normality will be restored. After a few years of this the government will cash in the bank shares it bought with your money and use the profits to build a huge f*****g dome somewhere."
He added: "In case you hadn't already worked it out - the entire global financial system is predicated on the assumption that you're an idiot."
Chancellor Alistair Darling said the decision had been taken in tandem with the banking industry, adding: "They used a lot of dirty words I'd never heard before and one of them had an angry looking dog."
Meanwhile, Emma Bradford, a sales manager from Bath, said: "Why doesn't the government just give my money to me so I can buy stuff from businesses who will then make a profit and put it in a bank?"
But Mr Darling insisted: "Shut up."
And then, of course, when you keep hearing snippets of news about how the city wizz kids are still getting their fantastic bonuses and no heads are really rolling over this and no-one seems to be addressing the question of how to prevent this sort of thing happening again, you have to wonder if your money (if you still have any) would be safer in a sock under the mattress.


Yorkshire Pudding said...

I haven't got the brains to understand what the hell is going on and ignorance like mine is widespread but what I do know is that the pigs who had their snouts in the trough and caused this mess will never pay for their greed as they will have hoarded their gatherings in weatherproof hiding places.

Jennyta said...

Yep, that just about sums it up, YP!

Jay said...

"After a few years of this the government will cash in the bank shares it bought with your money and use the profits to build a huge f*****g dome somewhere.""

ROFL!! So true!

Ellee Seymour said...

I agree with Yorkshire Pudding. At the end of the da, we just want to be able to pay our bills and have something left over for pleasure.

Jennyta said...

If they do, Jay, I'll be first in line to blow it up! ;)
Ellee, you have really summed it up.


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