"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."

('The Alchemist' Paulo Coelho)

Monday, November 20, 2006

Unwelcome phone calls

Here's a great idea from T.K. for getting rid of those annoying telemarketers who insist on phoning when you're trying to relax after a long, hard day.

The phone rang as I was sitting down to my evening meal, and as I answered it I was greeted with, "Is this Karl Brummer?"? Not sounding anything like my name, I asked who is calling.
The telemarketer said he was with The Rubber Band Powered Freezer Company or something like that.? Then I asked him if he knew Karl personally and why was he calling this number.
I then said off to the side, "Get some pictures of the body at various angles and the blood smears."? I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to testify in this murder case.
I questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call.
The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.? I then told him we had located his position and, "Stay where you are.? The police are entering the building and should be with you momentarily to take you into custody."? At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.
My wife asked me as I returned to our table why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes.? My meal was cold, but it was the best meal in a long, long time.


JustSue said...


Utterly brilliant!

Shooting Parrots said...

Genius! Far more creative than my "Sod off!" and putting the phone down.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

You have a wife? I thought you were heterosexual. I'm sorry, I'm a bit old-fashioned about these things. Perhaps that would have driven the telemarketer away - just telling him that you had a lesbian "wife". Enough to frighten off any young man.

Arthur Clewley said...

it wouldn't frighten me off

Jennyta said...

You're pushing it, YP! Detention will follow if you carry on!

Arthur Clewley said...

and they still have corporal punishment in Wales too YP, well,at least they do at the place I visit

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Arthur...I said "YOUNG man"!

And Jenny Taffy - Oooo! Detention! Will I be caned or spanked? Please tell me the time, place and date!

Jennyta said...

Well, Arthur and YP, I could perhaps do you a group booking at special rates. Oh but it's not caning or spanking over here, just straighforward hanging, drawing and quartering. :)

Anonymous said...

Or you could just sign up with the Telephone Preference Service.

If this is what passes for excitement in your life, then you are very sad indeed. But then you do live in North Wales.

Michelle said...

Hey! They stole my line :((


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