Escape to where?

You must have seen them, these irritating, self-congratulatory programmes featuring couples, often as young as twelve (seemingly), who want to move with their millions to somewhere 'in the country' where one needs to be a millionaire simply to contemplate living there. They usually want an enormous property in the middle of nowhere, where the two of them will rattle around and sit on their balcony on summer evenings, sipping their aperitifs and contemplating endless rolling hills and valleys. They also require never-ending sunshine and have never given a thought to how they will manage if they're snowed in for weeks in the middle of winter.

Oh, and they generally want to keep alpacas. What???

These people are notoriously difficult to please and will dismiss fantastic properties in the blink of an eye because the ceilings are too low or the kitchen is fifty-nine feet long instead of sixty or it has a Rayburn instead of an Aga.

I generally try to avoid these programmes but Keith loves them as they give him the perfect opportunity to do his 'grumpy old man' routine and, believe me, he is working hard on perfecting that! So today, I dimly heard the presenter say, as he ushered the couple into the  first property for viewing,

"I am hoping that the first thing you will feel here..."

To which Keith interjected, quick as a flash,

"Is a cricket bat!"

He is on the ball, that man! Definitely the best bit of the programme.