Female heating

Being of that age where I suffer from what I like to refer to as my 'personal central heating', I was complaining mildly about it last night, which got Keith into divergent thinking mode.
"What we need," he mused, " is to be able to harness all that heat and put it to good use."
"Really?"
"Oh yes. We could encase women in rubber tubing."
"Yes, that would really help to cool us down," I interrupted sarcastically.
"No," he said, patiently, "The point is to make use of the heat generated. It could be converted into electricity and you could have cold water pumped through the tubing and it would come out at the other end as hot water."
Very green and eco-friendly. I just hope there are no politicians reading this.


Shopping

Sainsbury's is the supermarket closest to me. I have tried others, including the so-called discount supermarkets, but I can't get the final bill any lower wherever I go, so I save on petrol and stick with Sansbury's. One of the good things about it is that they offer to pack your shopping for you. At least they used to, but it hasn't happened for weeks now. Sometimes, if I'm feeling like being 'awkward' I ask them to give me a hand with it. Often, I just grit my teeth and get on with it myself. Someone I know told me recently that, if no help is forthcoming, he innocently says, "Would you like me to help you pack my shopping?" but I haven't had the nerve to try that one yet.
Today, as usual, I was shoving shopping into my bags when the assistant asked me if I would like her to slow down a bit.
"No thanks," I said, "But is it not the policy here to offer help with packing the shopping any more?"
She had the grace to look a little uneasy.
"Oh yes," she replied. "I helped a lady with her shopping earlier."
I didn't ask her what disqualified me from being offered help but as I left, I heard her ask the next customer if she would like some help with her packing.
Obviously, I just give the impression of being far too capable!
Next week, I'm going to try my friend's approach!

Plaster board and dust

So, we're still no further forward on the British Gas smart meter front and I've given up making non-existent appointments with them...