This is from Australia and other versions have been doing the rounds in the past but it's one of those things you read and laugh at and then quietly weep as it reminds us how ridiculous our societies have become in so many ways. Enjoy!
In the year 2013, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Australia and said:
"Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me.Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."
He gave Noah the blueprints, saying:
"You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain in Queensland first for 40 days and 40 nights."
Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah
Weeping in his yard - but no Ark
"Noah!," He roared, "I've started the rain in Queensland !
Where is the Ark?"
"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed."
"I needed a Building Permit."
"I've been arguing with the Boat Inspector
About the need for an on-board sprinkler system.
"My neighbours claim that I've violated the
Neighbourhood Bye-Laws by building the Ark in my
Backyard and exceeding the height limitations. We had to
Go to the Councill Planning Committee for a decision."
"Then the Local Council and the Electricity Company demanded a shed load of money for the future costs of moving power
Lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the
Passage for the Ark's move to the sea. I told them
That the sea would be coming to us, but they would
Hear nothing of it."
"Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban
On cutting local trees in order to save the Greater Spotted Mopoke."
"I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the the Mopokes - but no go!"
"When I started gathering the animals the RSPCA took me to court. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They
Argued the accommodations were too restrictive, and
It was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in
A confined space."
"Then the Environmental Protection Agency ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study
On your proposed flood."
"I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the
Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm
Supposed to hire for my building gang."
"Immigration are checking the
Visa status of most of the people who want to work."
"The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They
Insist I have to hire only Union workers with
"To make matters worse, the Australian Taxation Office seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally
With endangered species."
"So, forgive me, Lord, but it will take at least 10
Years for me to finish this Ark."
Suddenly the skies cleared over Queensland , the sun began to shine,
And a rainbow stretched across the sky."
Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"
"No," said the Lord. " The Australian Government beat me to it!!"