"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."

('The Alchemist' Paulo Coelho)

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Why teachers drink

Second attempt! This was sent to me by someone I went to school with who, like me, is now happily retired. I did try to copy it as all the comments were in the children's original handwriting, but in the end, I had to type it instead. If you think they are all made up, you are not a teacher!

In wartime, children who lived in big cities had to be evaporated because it was safer in the country.

The total is when you add up all the numbers and a remainder is an animal that pulls Santa on his slay.

Sometimes in the war they take prisoners and keep them as ostriges until the war is over. Some prisoners end up in consterpation camps

A mosque is a sort of church. The main difference is that its roof is doomed.

I asked my mum why we said old men at the end of prayers at skool. I don’t know any old men apart from grandpa.

On ar activity holiday Dad wanted to ride the hores but mum said they were too ekspensiv.

I would like to be an accountant but you have to know a lot about moths.

The closest town to France is Dover. You can get to France on a train or you can go on a fairy.

If it is less than 90 degrees it is a cute angel.

….and at the end of the show we all sing away in a manager.

In last year’s Christmas concert Linzi played the main prat. I played one of the smaller prats and I would like to have a bigger prat this year.

Helicopters are cleverer than planes. Not only can they fly through the air they can also hoover.

Then Joan of Ark met her end. She was burned as a steak.

Crabs and creatures like them all belong to a family of crushed Asians.

In geography we learned that countries with sea around them are islands and ones without are incontinents.

If you marry two people you are a pigamist, but morons are allowed to do this.

Sir Walter Raleigh circumcised the world with a big clipper.

In Scandanavia, the Danish people come from Denmark, the Norwegians come from Norway and the Lapdancers come from Lapland.


Yorkshire Pudding said...

Lord, I wish I had copied down all the funny mistakes that I saw in children's writing over the years but marking became an enormous chore that ate into my nights and weekends and after about five years I stopped chuckling about the "bloopers".... I remember at primary school, the teacher (my dad!) asked if anyone knew the names of any great composers. Joyce Collingwood put her hand up, declaring knowledgeably, "Albert Hall!"

Anonymous said...

Good ones - though I sometimes come across howlers written by science/maths authors who should know better... including the angels, of course.

Jennyta said...

That's the problem, YP, the pressures of the job mean you don't have time to appreciate the lighter side. The only one I can remember offhand is a Y3 pupil who was not over-endowed with the grey matter and came in from playtime one day announcing, "Ross and me have been playing pig in the middle!"
Ailsa, glad you enjoyed them. :)

mrsnesbitt said...

I agree - yes looking back there were some howlers!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for retyping them, I agree too good not to share.

Shooting Parrots said...

Some of those blighters have been copying my homework!


Related Posts with Thumbnails