"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."

('The Alchemist' Paulo Coelho)

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Which character are you?

This article caught my eye this morning. It seems that some police forces are being trained to categorise members of the public with whom they come into contact according to their similarity to various better known members of the human race, such as, oh, you know, Jeremy Paxman, Lenny Henry, Madonna. Need I go on? Not only that, but they are trained to categorise themselves and adjust their mode of interaction with said member of public accordingly.
So. leaving aside the questionable assumption that Jeremy Paxman is 'motivated by respect' (Have they ever considered his interviewing style?), or the remote possibility that Madonna would ever be heard saying, "What time frame do we have on this?" I  wonder how on earth this is going to help any police officer in his/her daily round.
Can't you just imagine a Yorkshire copper adapting to cockney rhyming slang as he categorises half a dozen hoodies gathered in town on a Saturday night as 'text-book Michael Caines'?
"'Ere, no more pen an' ink for you, me laddos. Git back 'ome to the trouble an' strife, innit!" (With apologies to any real cockneys who happen to be reading this.)
Or how about dealing with some nefarious individual who has been identified as being in the Tom Jones category.
"Well, well, well,  noswaith dda, boyo! And what do you think you are doing here, isn't it? Whereto you think you are going to, then?"
However, worry no more about where your hard-earned taxes are going, especially if you live in South Yorkshire. They are simply  'looking to achieve a stronger customer focus culture, and as result have meaningful conversations with each other, with the end user – a victim of crime, offender, whoever it may be.'
Well, that's all-right then. Carry on, officers. 
Oh, and when they finally catch up with me, I want to be treated as a female equivalent of Lord Sugar - i.e. be grovelled to.


Shooting Parrots said...

I can imagine a few image rights lawyers sharpening their litigation quills over this one.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I wonder how the riot police in London sought to categorise the student protesters at last week's big London demo? Simple. To P.C. Plod they were all beer swilling, Jeremy Kyle watching, loutish Public Enemies - not a range of different young people, other people's sons and daughters exercising their right to protest about government lies and injustices.

Jennyta said...

Too true, SP.
YP I take your point but I wonder if those who took things a bit further than intended, students or not, have done their cause any favours.

Anonymous said...

I can't decide to laugh or cry at such idiocy! Flighty xx

Jennyta said...

Laugh, Flighty, or you will end up crying. :)


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