"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."



('The Alchemist' Paulo Coelho)




Tuesday, November 10, 2009

TK is on form!


10 Downing Street
London SW1
Dear People of the United Kingdom,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, your Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers 50 years of age and older on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to the government to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as the government deems appropriate.
Only persons who have been RAPED can get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously, persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by the government.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on, will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. The government has always prided itself in the amount of SHIT it gives out. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your local MP. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
Gordon Brown

4 comments:

  1. I'm ready for early retirement. How do I apply?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, you could refer to Mr Brown. He might give you a few tips, rumour is he will be going himself pretty soon. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Go on go on go on! (Father Ted) This can't be from Gordon Brown as you can read it and it's not littered with spelling mistakes!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Maybe it was checked first by his teacher, YP ;)

    ReplyDelete

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