"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."



('The Alchemist' Paulo Coelho)




Wednesday, September 02, 2009

Such kindness


Yesterday, I received a beautiful bouquet. Not all that surprising, given what has been going on lately, but the exceptional thing about this one was that it was sent by a fellow blogger, someone whom I have never met. I shall not identify this person here as I don't think that is what they would want, but to say that I am overwhelmed by their thoughtfulness and kindness is an understatement so, thank you once again - you know who you are.

6 comments:

gemmak said...

How lovely, those things really lift us when we most need them don't they. xx

Jennyta said...

They mean so much at the right time, Gemmak.

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

I just popped over after you left such a fabulous comment on my blog re the Welsh pronunciation which I found fascinating and delightful. I have just read your story about your son Hugh. Oh I am so very sorry for you and your family. You are exceptionally brave to write about it and I can only hope that it is helping to document your loss and grief. I don't know how you recover from the shock of the loss of a child. My uncle hanged himself and after the shock and the grief subsided I could only see it as his right to do with his life what he felt was his and his alone. He too had such problems in his life that he felt were insurmountable. We all tried to help but the mindset of someone in so much pain is such that they cannot hear you. The collateral damage of suicide stretches its tentacles far and wide throughout the family but there is nothing, nothing you or the rest of the family could do. Even if the police had reacted in time the chances are he would have tried again at another time. That is what my uncle did – was saved from himself a couple of times but he was determined to end his pain.

The police Superintendent was clearly trying to empathise but made a bit of a pigs ear of it. I suspect she was trying to say the opposite of how it came out - that in time she realised it wasn't her fault. That's just one part of the collateral damage - blame and guilt of the survivors. I hope your children realise that their brother chose to end his life as it was his to do so. He would have given all his thought to his own personal hell and wouldn't have been capable of considering the feelings of those left to deal with his actions. The sheer noise of complex thoughts running into each other over and over again would have drowned out the very loudest of voices trying to get through to him. Coupled with the deep feelings of hopelessness , no one, not even professionals would have had a chance in hell in getting through to him. My uncle was on ten minute observations in a psychiatric ward but he still managed to do it. Sedation only lasts for so long before they can try again.

I believe that it takes a brave person to end their life and your son was surely brave as a serving soldier. I hope you all find peace with his decision and come to realise that this was no cry for help that went wrong that any of you could have prevented. As you said he refused psychological help before and it seems clear that he was possibly never going to be able to accept that kind of intervention. None of this of course eases the grief you must all be feeling but I hope that you can find acceptance for how he ended his life. He deserved his full military honours funeral and that is a fitting way to say goodbye to him. We owe our serving forces our deepest gratitude for having the courage to do what most of us would be terrified to do. I am deeply in awe of anyone who can face such danger on my behalf and keep our shores, culture, values and people safe. I would have been honoured to know your son.

Jennyta said...

Thank you so much, MOB for your wise and thoughtful comment. All that you say is true; I am sure that Hugh was just not open to any help or support that could be offered to him at that time. I am sorry too about your uncle. I don't think the family of people who take their own lives ever get over it but I hope that, in time, it will get more bearable for all of us but it has certainly helped me enormously to write about it. Thank you for reading it.

daffy said...

I just popped over to say good morning really, you were in my thoughts and other than to tell you so I haven't much else to add. x

Jennyta said...

Thank you, Daffy, It's very kind of you and it's much appreciated. :)

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