"Well, there is only one piece of advice I can give you," said the wisest of wise men. "The secret of happiness is to see all the marvels of the world and never to forget the drops of oil on the spoon."



('The Alchemist' Paulo Coelho)




Saturday, August 29, 2009

Hugh, 28th August 1979 - 19th August 2009


When all this first happened, last week, I was sure that I would not want or be able to mention it at all on this blog. Now, however. I feel ready to do so.

August 28th thirty years ago was such a happy day. It was the day I gave birth to my second child and first son, Hugh.
August 28th this year was very different. It was the day of his funeral.
Last Thursday morning, I had a phone call from Elder Daughter, Kathy, to tell me that Hugh had taken his own life during the night. He was due to go to Afghanistan in September and had a bad feeling about it and, to tell the truth, so did I but more important than this, he had also been undergoing a lot of problems with his ex-partner and the struggle to gain access to his son, Paul. Because of the break-up, he had also incurred a lot of debt and his house was about to be repossessed. He was suffering from depression and I also believe that the PTSD he suffered twelve years ago after his tour in Kosovo had never been properly dealt with because he was unwilling to undergo adequate therapy at the time.
Whatever the reasons, although he had all the support possible from family and friends, that night, he decided that nothing and no-one could help him further.
He had a full military funeral yesterday. The army did him proud and the huge numbers of friends and colleagues bore witness to the esteem in which he was held.
I have been keeping a record of the days since his death which I will post on here over the next few days.
Hugh was a complex person and not an easy child but I loved him very much and my heart is breaking to think that he's gone. I can only hope and believe that he has found peace at last.



25 comments:

Flighty said...

Jenny apart from my sincere condolences I'm at a loss as to what more I can say. Take care! xx

Jennyta said...

Thanks, Flighty. there's nothing anyone can say really,there are no answers.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

...So pleased that Hugh's funeral was a special and memorable occasion Jenny...and good on the army for giving him full honours. The photographs in your sidebar are delightful and heartbreaking at the same time. From now on, I don't suppose a day will pass by without you thinking of him...

Dale said...

No words from across the pond either Jenny, apart from I'm sorry. Words cannot possibly suffice, but know that you're in my thoughts and prayers.

D.

Jennyta said...

You're right, YP. He will always be in my thoughts and in my heart.
Dale, thank you. That means a lot to me.

Anonymous said...

Jenny, I'm so very very sorry for your loss. I have written and deleted so many words that I wanted to say, but each of them sounded inappropriate - but at the end of the day there are no words that will make things right. I have shed many tears for you this evening, my dear friend x Craig

Jennyta said...

Thank you, Craig. I know you understand and your support means a lot.

Colette said...

Theres nothing that I can say that would adequately express what I wanted. Thank you for sharing this with us, it can't have been easy.
x

Jennyta said...

Thank you, Colette. I always find writing very therapeutic but, no, it wasn't easy.

daffy said...

Jenny I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you and I am thinking of you. Our mutual friend Flighty told me the sad news this evening. So sorry jenny. So Sorry. xx

gemmak said...

Like those who have commented before me, I know I don't have adequate words, nothing that I say can make a difference.

Hugh was a very brave man, one who had the love and support of his family and he was a man you can always be very proud of.

You have always been there for me in my difficult times, since the very days of our blog 'careers' and I you know where I am if there is anything at all I can do to help.

You, your family and Hugh are in my thoughts. xxxx

Jennyta said...

Thank you very much for your comment, Daffy and thanks for visiting.
Gemmak, I know you have so much to deal with already, so your comment and support are all the more appreciated. Thank you.

Snowbabies said...

Hi sweetie

I really dont know what to say, apart from you n keith n your family are in our thoughts, remember all the good times u had, sending u all ((hugs))

Debbie & Paul x x

Jennyta said...

Thank you, Debbie and Paul.

J.J said...

Oh my god Jenny. I have only just seen this. I just don't have the words to tell you how very very sorry and distressed I am for you and your family.

Sincere condolences on your terrible loss.

Jennyta said...

Thank you JJ.

WendyCarole said...

I am so sorry and send my condolences.

Have been awa and only just caught up with blog reading

Steve said...

No words but I'm thinking of you.

Jennyta said...

Thank you very much for your condolences, Wendy Carole and Steve.

Rosie said...

Like others I write words and then delete them. I am so sorry and my heart goes out to you. Thinking of you. xx

Jennyta said...

Thank you, Rosie. I know it's hard to know what to say at times like this but thanks for writing.

cheshire wife said...

I am so sorry for what you are having to go through. It must be the worst thing in the world to lose a child in such circumstances. Please accept my sympathy and thank you for visiting my blog.

Jennyta said...

Thank you, CW.

Silverback said...

Been away as you know so only just catching up on blogs. Glad you found the strength to post about Hugh and you know how I feel about that.

Will read the rest of your posts now but I hope that taking this step and reading all the lovely comments from your blog friends has helped.

Jennyta said...

Thank you Ian. Your comments and thoughts, as well as everyone else's, mean a great deal to me. :)

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